One of the tough life lessons was to learn to ask for help when needed. I am a fiercely independent woman. And a Capricorn. This means I will tell myself it will all be ok, and mentally make a note that there would always be time to panic later. If necessary. I usually process in my "cave", very methodically and in a structured conceptualization. There is no space for emotions when adopting this method. It's all about the facts at hand. Then I try to deal with that issue myself. After so many years of taking care of it all single-handedly, I have come to the understanding that requesting assistance is actually a strength, not a weakness. And believe me, that was no straightforward process for me! It was lengthy and painful, and I doubted being able to get something done the way I envisioned by reaching out to others. It didn't mean I had failed. It implied I was not alone and that I was wise enough to join forces with others and/or ask them to be on my team. Even if that person or group of persons didn't provide exactly what I had in mind. With time, I came to the conclusion that this was also ok. Not everything needed to be done my way. Sometimes, there were better ways. With a shortcut. Or not. What mattered was the end result of the problem being solved, right? You are wondering what story or stories are behind this lesson. There were several major instances where I had to resort to reaching out to others for help/assistance. Let me share one of the business occurrences with you.
More than 15 years ago, I had set up my main working station in Cebu, the Philippines. I didn't know how to do business in Asia and I learned the Filipino rules and regulations on the go. The corporate culture was different from Europe, the Americas, and even South Africa, and so were the business practices. I wasn't seeing eye to eye with my local business partners on several essential matters, and I wanted to put an end to their thievery, which had started petty and was getting bolder with time. This evidently didn't suit them and they threw in a monkey wrench when it came to the production deadlines and the shipping out of our orders on time. I had been living in Minglanilla for a few years now and I was able to pull some strings with contacts I had made myself. It wasn't till I started receiving threatening messages by fax and SMS that I started to wonder seriously how to tread next. My middle brother had joined me recently and it was my responsibility to keep him safe. I didn't want to share the reality I was facing with him in detail to avoid making him worry and also because I didn't feel like explaining what I was planning to do. I had to act swiftly. The messages were alarming me for our safety but all I did was go on with the daily business while trying to get the German Embassy to help. After all, I am a German citizen. When the answer was that my issue was internal to the company, which I had founded and of which I was the GM, and that they had no jurisdiction over such affairs, I knew I had reached a dead-end. Additionally, within a few days, more than one employee at my factory was contacted by my rogue business partners to turn on me and assist them in their grand theft of the factory with promises of much higher salaries. I was informed of this much later and fortuitously none of them accepted these offers. I sensed that something terrible was brewing but couldn't really put a finger on it...
A few days before the first threatening fax message, one of the business partners had already taken our car allegedly for regular maintenance but never returned it. My plant manager was gracious enough to offer his very old ride should I require it. I was cornered in the middle of nowhere, and if something happened to my brother and/or me, no one would know in time to act. Despite being taut with the matters at hand, I prayed for cool nerves to keep doing what I had to do to leave the country with no harm done to us physically and with the least financial damage. Then one afternoon, a group of armed men tried to barge into the premises of the factory. They were so loud that I peeked and then looked with disbelief through the window of my office which was on the first floor. My mind was racing. Will the guard let them in? What if an armed attack was directed at one or more of the other entrances? There were 3 guard houses at different locations because the property was big. Finally, the guard at the main entrance called me to say that he informed them that he had strict orders from me not to let anyone enter or leave without my permission. I was relieved I had briefed the guards a few days before about these security measures. And I finally contacted the Lebanese Honorary Consulate to check if any help could come from them. I was born Lebanese even though I had no legal Lebanese identification papers. Consul Joe, who has since become a friend, was extremely helpful and told me he wished I had been in touch much earlier... To make a very long story short, because things kept happening without respite, I got the logistic and moral support needed to ship whatever I could out of Cebu, close shop, and safely return to Beirut, with no -visible- harm done to either my brother or me. I don't want to fathom what outcome I would be facing had I not, as a last resort, reached out to the person who was able to help me, and to whom I am so grateful! And maybe asking for help at an
Quotes about asking for help:
Ask for help. Not because you are weak. But because you want to remain strong - Les Brown
Strength wasn't about being able to do everything alone. Strength was knowing when to ask for help and not being too proud to do it - Karen Marie Moning
It is okay to ask for help. I give help when others need it, and ask for help when I need it - Louise Hay
Healing takes time, and asking for help is a courageous step - Mariska Hargitay
Humble people ask for help - Joyce Meyer
Refusing to ask for help when you need it is refusing someone the chance to be helpful - Ric Ocasek
We all understand the importance of asking for help, but those who achieve big things are the ones who accept it when it's offered - Simon Sinek
In the end, I wish you to "be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help, and brave enough to ask for it" (unknown author).
