5 years ago I wasn't my usual self. I struggled to sleep. I was continuously exhausted. I felt irritated at trivial matters. My mind wasn't as sharp as it used to be. These might have been signs of burnout. But I didn't agree. I had always lived my life at high speed, didn't sleep much since I was born, and was constantly keeping myself busy, whether at work or in my personal life. I loved being active and productive. Soon, other symptoms became noticeable: chronic headaches and stomachaches. I have 2 physical weaknesses: my throat, where my voice would disappear completely when I am extremely stressed or upset, and my stomach, where I would sense it clasp shot and not even water would go down for a while. At this point, I opened up to my sister to ask her for guidance since she is in the medical field. She recommended an MD who is a generalist and assured me he would listen to whatever ailments I was suffering from before prescribing any pills. After a surgery I had undergone because I believed in science and that doctors would not recommend something harmful, I was very skeptical about physicians. However, the suffering was unbearable, and I finally called for an appointment. The consultation couldn't be set before several weeks but I was not dying. So it was ok with me. I felt my batteries were depleted. And that worried me... Finally, the day came when I would meet with someone who could propose a professional solution. After exchanging a few sentences, mainly answering his questions, I was surprised the MD told me he would prescribe some pills and that I should take them very regularly for 10 days and see him again for an updated assessment. I was surprised. I hadn't even told him what I was experiencing but apparently, he knew and understood. I called my sister and briefed her. I was wondering if I should ingest the prescribed pills. She replied if I felt ok with the proposed solution then she thought I should take them. When you feel so low and don't know how to help yourself, any supposed aid looks like salvation. I wanted my brains to function as they used to. And I trust my sister. So I bought the pills and started taking them exactly as prescribed. After 4-5 days, I started getting suicidal thoughts. My mind is very structured and powerful in its normal state. This didn't feel right. After 48 hours, those thoughts were becoming stronger. To a deeply spiritual person like me, this was very freakish. I emailed the doctor that I didn't want to keep on that protocol because of such thoughts and started researching the components of these pills. He had assured me that they are not highly dosed and that I shouldn't research too much on Google. Which is what my sister always tells me. I know Google is not a reliable source of information and when looking for medical data, I read on other websites. I should have been my normal self and done my thorough investigation before consuming these pills that turned out to be some sort of anti-depressant 😱
I have always believed life is too short to regret anything. Before the good doctor emailed me to switch to a different brand of pills, I had read dozens of medical articles on that prescribed medication. I sensed I shouldn't take that crap anymore. My body and my soul rejected that so-called treatment. I didn't want some chemicals to numb my thoughts. I wanted to think clearly again. And to be energetic. And to live. I am someone who loves life. Come what may, there is always something good in every day. Either to learn or to experience. I was not crazy. I was not depressed. My vitals were mixed up from years of lack of sleep and some nutritional deficiencies. My body had been signaling to me for years that I needed to take a break, work less, and rest more. But I didn't want to listen to it. I trusted others to know better how to handle a mess I had created and inflicted upon myself. I took a deep breath. Emailed the physician back that I didn't want to take any pills, which was my opening talk with him and which he had brushed off smoothly. I then texted my sister to update her. She was supportive as she always is. I know she earnestly thought the pills would help me. But I was done with Pharma and their delusive remedies. I took my health into my own hands. I forced myself to sleep 3 hours per night. Then 4. Then 5. That was very difficult for me. Especially with my mind racing, and experiencing tachycardia. I meditated almost every day. I prayed. To appease my soul. I started exercising again. I used to have a morning daily sports routine at home. I planned to get back to it gradually. Maybe. There was no must. I wanted to enjoy what I was doing. I spent more time in my garden. The neighborhood cats were a pleasure and they even comforted me with their purrs on the days I wasn't feeling on top of things. I performed self-hypnosis on myself. Focused on eating properly. I never had been a junk food eater but I hate to be conventional and eat at the same time. I still started to cook more meals at home. These all required a constant effort and that required energy I didn't have at first. Reading and starting to write more frequently also helped a lot. Weeks turned into months and years. My cheerful disposition quickly took over. My body was more rested. My mind was getting better. I was still physically weak compared to my past condition. And I then asked my best friend in Brazil to book some "alternative" medicine appointments for me. As it so happens, Covid and the whole frenzy happened and that program had to be postponed for almost 18 months. It finally materialized in November 2021, despite restrictions. Within less than a fortnight, I kickstarted my physical healing journey. It was only partial and I wasn't able to find fitting healers in Lebanon. I made sure that every MD I consulted knew I don't take pills, no matter how "lightly" dosed they are and that surgery was out of the question. It was frustrating and disheartening that the specialists who were supposed to go to the core of the problem and find a solution, mostly thought it was in my head or that I suffered an incurable pathology and all the array of diagnoses in between. Fortunately, my sister recommended a doctor who listened very patiently while I exposed my case and presented my medical reports and tests before he suggested a path to follow...
Some quotes about medicine:
The greatest medicine of all is teaching people how not to need it - Hippocrates
Medicine is not only a science; it is also an art. It does not consist of compounding pills and plasters; it deals with the very processes of life, which must be understood before they may be guided - Paracelsus
Fasting is the first principle of medicine; fast and see the strength of the spirit reveal itself - Rumi
Medical science is making such remarkable progress that soon none of us will be well - Aldous Huxley
In selling as in medicine, prescription before diagnosis is malpractice - Tony Allasandra
The very success of medicine in a material way may now threaten the soul of medicine - Walter Martin
The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease - William Osler
Today, I am aware that what we call alternative medicine is in fact the original medicine that humans used for millennia and that what is referred to as "modern medicine" is barely a century old. I am resolutely determined to get better. I work hard on my health. And above all, I am kinder to myself, physically and mentally. A healthy body requires a healthy mind. As a free-spirited woman who needs to understand a process to go ahead with it, I have promised myself not to ever again trust a professional just because he is an expert in his field. My soul senses what is right for it. My intuition will protect me at all times. And I am now more than ever interested in educating myself on natural healing methods 😁
